1. Don’t let your affection give you an infection.
2. You go in. I’ll cover you.
3. Kids in the backseat cause accidents, but accidents in the backseat cause kids. Wear me.
4. Why are you reading this when you could be shagging?
5. Put some protection on that erection!
6. You are not the father!
7. To blaze a path down greatness road, use this sheath to release your load.
8. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
9. Say hello to my little friend.
10. You’ll thank me in the morning.
11. If it weren’t for you meddling kids…
12. Hey there big fella!
13. It costs $300,000 to raise a child to 18. That’s a lot of tacos.
14. When she says don’t stop that doesn’t mean change it up.
15. Thank you, come again.
16. Not today, parenthood!
17. Be a gentleman, ladies first.
18. Bad decisions make good stories.
19. Hospital bills are more expensive than I am.
20. Life is hard. Hope you are too.
21. Even the smallest of things can do something big.
22. Not wearing a condom causes minivans.
23. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Now go get lucky!
24. No glove, no love.
25. Don’t worry, I think you’re big enough.
26. Wrap it before you tap it.
27. Think big.
28. It’s dangerous to go alone, take this.
29. Keep it up!
30. Don’t be silly wrap your willy.