You don’t want to hear these words from Ask Reddit after sex.

1. Alexa, play You’re Welcome.

2. You would make a great single mother.

3. Good game!

4. I guess you can only fuck so many people before you realize you still hate yourself.

5. You were my 10th. That’s double digits!

6. Am I a dad now?

7. I really hope someone heard us.

8. What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap?

9. Do you take Visa?

10. If you get pregnant I’m not paying child support.

11. Your vagina is smaller than other vaginas I’ve had sex with.

12. If this were the olympics, you would win a gold medal.

13. My ex girlfriend’s dog would watch us have sex… all the time.

14. I think I miss my ex…

15. Hey, don’t tell anyone about last night. I get enough shit for being vegan.

16. Damn, it’s moister than an oyster down here.

17. I wish you were skinnier so I could see my penis hit your stomach.

18. I’ve just never seen boobs as small as yours.

19. I usually last longer.

20. You are almost beautiful.

21.Alright, calling your Uber home.

22. I don’t have the patience to make you cum.

23. Wait. What was your name again?

24. Would you believe me if I said I actually enjoyed spending time with you?

25. You feel so dense right now. I’ve never felt more like there’s a man lying on me.

26. I think some my sweat dripped on your face!

27. I bet I just ROCKED your WORLD.

28. Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?

29. Okay are we done?

30. Do you like egg sandwiches?

31. High five!

32. You’re such a sexy… beast. Oh fuck. Now I’m thinking about the X-men. I’m not hard anymore.

33. Mission accomplished. TC mark


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