1. My dog looked too cute and I had to stay to pet her some more.
2. I’m not late, I’m just early for tomorrow.
3. I got lost on the path of life.
4. A wizard is never late! Nor is he early. He always arrives precisely when he means to.
5. I’m late because of who I am as a person.
6. Time is a mathematical invention to explain the passage of the sun through the sky. I am unencumbered by such mortal irrelevancies, and frankly, I pity those who are.
7. I’d apologize for being late but I do not value your time.
8. My clock passed away today.
9. A queen is never late, everyone else is simply early.
10. My dog pooped in the house. I couldn’t just let that sit around for hours until I returned home.
11. I was too tired because I’m overworked. It would’ve been unsafe to drive in that condition.
12. I couldn’t be bothered to care. Be happy I’m here at all.
13. I’m late because I didn’t want to be here at all and this seemed like a good compromise.
14. I couldn’t find my pants.
15. My alarm was set to PM instead of AM.
16. I was busy working on this excuse.
17. I’m sorry. Someone told me to go to hell. I couldn’t find it at first, but now I’m here.
18. Sorry, you’re not important enough for me to leave sooner and risk being early.
19. I didn’t want to be here.
20. I needed coffee.
21. Sorry. I value my time more than yours.
22. I was born late. And my mom still hates me for it.
23. Sorry I’m late… I left late.
24. I’m a lazy fuck.
25. If it wasn’t for that traffic light turning red I would have been on time.
26. I’m not late. You’re all just extremely early.
27. I operate on my time.
28. Sorry, Bohemian Rhapsody came on right when I parked.
29. I ran out of gas looking for cheap gas.
30. I’m an asshole, and I have poor time management skills.