1. Realizing out of the blue that you might leave a blood stain on whatever surface you’re sitting on, and shifting around uncomfortably to prevent direct contact. The fear of damaging another person’s property is considerably more potent than shame.
2. You know when your boyfriend keeps taking his penis all the way out of you and putting it back in and shoving a whole bunch of air inside of you. And then you try to avoid queefing, but you really can’t because queefs don’t work that way.
3. Trying to adjust the underwire in your bra subtly without looking like you’re fondling yourself.
4. I don’t know if everyone experiences this or not, but every so often I get this INTENSE tingle/itch sent to my clit, and when it happens in public it is excruciating not to be able to adjust it or make it go away. Normally only lasts about a minute but oh my god.
5. Getting your period when you’re not expecting or springing a leak. No one wants that stain on the back of their pants for everyone to see.
6. Getting underwear stuck up your crack or vag and having to do a sort of wiggle to get it loose.
7. Armpit and boob sweat when you’re wearing a certain color or material.
8. When you realize that your light colored leggings are see-through and everyone can see your underwear.
9. I wear a lot of dresses. When I get wet in public, I can actually smell it and I’m afraid other people can too.
10. Cameltoe. Literally the bane of my entire existence. I’m always pulling down the crotch of my pants because I think it’s showing.
11. Trying to hide erect nipples, it’s not necessarily cold outside or in a situation where I’m turned on, they just do it.
12. Wearing a baggy hoodie to hide you aren’t wearing a bra.
13. Having to wear an audible feminine hygiene product. Some honestly sound like you’re wearing a plastic bag in your underwear, but if you get caught out – sometimes you’re reduced to wearing one. You spend the rest of the day trying to move as carefully as possible so not to make too much noise.
14. If I’m on my period and swimming, I am always terrified my tampon string might slip out of my swimsuit bottoms. Hasn’t happened yet, knock on wood. Also, if you’ve been swimming, it’s really hard to determine if you’re bleeding through if you suspect you might have because your bathing suit is already wet.
15. When you’re in a situation where you have to run somewhere (i.e. catch a bus/train/whatever) and you’re either in heels or not wearing a super supportive bra, and your boobs are just bouncing everywhere or you’re tripping. Fucking miserable.
16. The water gun-like effect you feel as you’re sneezing while on your period. You know you just unloaded the full clip on to your pad, but you gotta play it cool until you can excuse yourself to the bathroom.
17. When you fart and it comes through the front. Then you gotta try and shift around and get it out.
18. Noticing a chin hair and frantically finding tweezers to pluck it.
19. The “oh. Oh NO.” feeling right before the period shit happens. I hated road tripping anywhere near my period weeks because guaranteed I would get the period shit signal as far away from a rest stop as possible.
20. Trying to sneak a pad or tampon into the restroom without people noticing especially if it is in your locker or bag.
21. Making a quick trip to the bathroom to make sure that warm, wet liquid that just announced itself is not the unexpected start of your period.
22. Panty lines on tight clothing.
23. Anyone else ever feel awkward when they’re sitting on a weight machine at the gym that requires you to bend a bit so your cunt is just pressed up really well against the seat? And when you get up there’s a damn wet spot on the seat and you rush to get a paper towel and spray to clean it off but a guy has already beat you to it and looks at you.
SIR I SWEAR I WAS GONNA WIPE DOWN THE SEAT BEFORE YOU SAW ANYTHING I’M SO SORRY.
24. Accidentally dropping popcorn into your bra and trying to stealthily take it out.
25. Period blood smell, which is like sweet, rotten meat or fish.
26. Trying to extract a hair from between your boobs when you don’t actually know where it is.
27. How about the condensation on a chair after standing up? That strip of moisture that has accumulated due to the moist environment between your legs? I know it’s from that and is normal but it always trips me up. I just don’t like it.
28. Putting a jacket around your waist at school because you’re self conscious that there is blood on your pants during the time of the month.
29. Sometimes you just get really wet down there, fabrics that show up sweat patches also show up other wet patches… they are also in the places you can’t always see.
30. As a breastfeeding mother – when my husband gets me excited my boobs leak.