When lordsamethstarr was little, they lived in a small town that had an oil refinery, and their parents convinced them that if you farted on site, it would explode. That’s a terrifying thing to tell a kindergartener, especially when said kindergartener goes on a field trip with their class and discovers they have to fart. “I spent an embarrassingly long amount of time with my hand down my pants, blocking my fart,” they wrote.

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