I wish we didn’t have to end our relationship in a screaming match. I wish we could have ended by reminding each other how much we love each other — and how we will always love each other. I wish we could have stayed friends.

I wish we would have sat down at the diner table and talked through our feelings. I wish you would have tried to understand my point of view. I wish you would have opened up to me about the way you were feeling too. I wish we could have had an honest conversation instead of yelling the meanest things we could think of at each other. I wish we handled our emotions like mature, respectful adults.

I wish you would have understood why parting ways was best for us both. I wish you would have understood some things don’t work out the way we planned instead of accusing me of never caring about you in the first place. I wish you wouldn’t have turned me into the bad guy. I wish you would have at least tried to understand what I was saying instead of putting words into my mouth.

I wish my good memories with you weren’t tainted by the bad ones at the end. I wish hearing your name would make me smile and reminisce instead of scowl and change the subject. I wish we ended in a different way.

I wish I could still text you when something reminded me of you. I wish I could still invite you over when throwing a party with mutual friends. I wish I could walk over and say hello when I saw you instead of running the other way.

I never wanted to lose you as a friend. I never wanted to delete your number. I never wanted to block you from social media. I never wanted to cut you out of my world permanently.

Maybe it was too optimistic of me to think we could have survived our separation. Maybe there was never a chance a friendship would’ve been possible. Maybe I was stupid for thinking we could have still been there for each other, even if we weren’t made for each other.

I’m never going to find out whether we would have worked as friends, because I know there’s no way to keep you in my world after what happened between us. Our arguments were too long and too loud. Our differences were too large.

No matter how much I want to forget the nasty things you said to me and the nasty things I said in return, I’m always going to remember them. I’m never going to be able to sit in the same room as you again, not even as a friend — and that’s the worst part about all of this.

I wish we could have ended on better terms. I wish we could have parted ways civilly. I wish we could have handled our problems like adults instead of resorting to slimy, dirt tactics. I wish we didn’t have to end as passionately as we began. TC mark


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