1. Your person comes up with a million excuses to justify their unacceptable behavior. They refuse to reflect on themselves. They refuse to apologize. They refuse to admit they’ve done anything wrong. Instead of deciding your feelings are valid, they argue with you about why you shouldn’t feel the way you feel because they’ve technically done nothing wrong.
2. Your person resorts to name calling and cursing you out. They say the most hurtful things they can think of in order to ‘win’ the argument. They bring up painful pieces of your past in order to get a rise out of you. All they are thinking about is how to hurt you — but the person you love should never want to hurt you, not even when they’re pissed.
3. Your person tries to turn the situation around to place the blame on you. They make it seem like you drove them to do the horrible things they’ve done. They make it seem like their mistakes were your fault. They make it seem like they should be mad, not the other way around.
4. Your person gaslights you. They tell you you’re remembering things incorrectly. They insist certain conversations never happened. They tell lie after lie until you start to wonder whether you were crazy for being mad at them in the first place.
5. Your person storms out of the house and stops answering your texts. They don’t tell you where they’re going. They don’t tell you when they’re going to be back. It’s perfectly fine if they need the time and space to cool down — but it’s not okay for them to go MIA while leaving your concerned messages unanswered for hours.
6. Your person runs straight to an ex to talk shit about you. They have an old hookup on speed dial. They keep this person around as a backup plan just in case your argument ends in a breakup. They are putting effort into finding a possible replacement for you when they should be putting effort into helping rebuild your relationship.
7. Your person badmouths you on social media instead of expressing their emotions directly to you. They make vague comments about you on Twitter — or blatantly call you out. They air your dirty laundry in the public for everyone to see instead of dealing with the situation quietly, behind closed doors.
8. Your person handles their emotions with drugs and alcohol. The second there is a little bit of tension between you, they get blackout drunk. They rely on beer or pot or pills in order to numb the pain. They use unhealthy coping mechanisms to ignore their emotions instead of sitting down with you and expressing those emotions.
9. Your person loses their temper and makes you feel unsafe around them. They throw your phone across the room. They aim their fist at a wall. They break dishes. They grab you by the arm. They threaten you — or themselves. They use violence because they aren’t sure how to express their emotions in a more mature, healthy way.