Because he “thought it’d be sick.” Boy, you can say that again. Kaity is “shaking from internal laughter” at this point. I mean, imagine. 

Gleefully, the guy goes to explain his tattoo. Abe, who’s wearing Ray Bans, is “the see no evil.” The other wise monkeys are Ben and George — “Franklin’s got Beats and Washington’s got a bandana.” I can picture how ecstatic he is to get to talk about his ink.

By now, Kaity is unable to even, as the kids say. “I have to roll over because I’m shaking and there are tears running down my face,” she writes to conclude “the story of how I mounted half of Mount Rushmore (+ Ben Franklin).” 

I. Can’t. Breathe. Never in the history of terrible tattoos or in the history of terrible dates have the two Venn-diagrammed so neatly to bring us entertainment. I’ll probably never get inked again, the best tattoo in the world is clearly taken.


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