The best part about being a father is that it gives you a chance to be a kid again. You get to see things through a child’s eyes again. All of the wonderment, the curiosity, the excitement of things that you’ve become numb to, you get to experience enthusiasm for all over again.
It’s a truly great feeling and it never gets old, which is why I’m always stoked when I can finally close my laptop for the day and get to wrestle with my son and give my daughter raspberries on her belly while answering the incessant “What’s that?” and “Why?” questions.
It also makes me realize just how profoundly dumb I was as a kid about the most basic things about the world. For example: I thought all TV was live as a child. So when Michael Jackson debuted “Remember the Time” on television, I was deeply troubled.
You see, I thought that the King of Pop was, non-stop, performing the music video beat by beat, note by note, and step by step every time it was on television and I expressed to my mother that I felt bad for the singer, because when did he have time for his family and friends, or to just get some rest? Plus the massive amounts of stress associated with doing it the same way, and perfectly, with enthusiasm, every single time? It seemed way too much for a single individual to bear.
So when someone posed this very relatable question on Twitter, asking other people on the platform what the dumbest things they believed as children were, I was immediately interested. Lo and behold, there were other people who thought like me.
And a lot more who had completely different ideas of their own. Kids might say the darndest things, but they also think the darndest things. I mean, if you don’t have anyone around to tell you otherwise, how else would you make sense of the wackiness we’re exposed to on a daily basis?
The same guy provided some other hilarious childhood thoughts he had, but he wasn’t the only one. There were some people who provided some, uh, interesting ideas about the structure of their family growing up.
I can’t blame her though, when I was a kid, I wanted to “marry” my older brother because I thought that getting married just meant you lived in a house with somebody who was slightly abusive towards you and the two of you got to share money.
If you grew up in a religious household like mine, then the concept of bad things happening to you because you were misbehaving or not listening to what your parents were telling you to do is very, very real.
I find it hard to fault Marco above here, pickles and cucumbers don’t taste anything alike. Do they look exactly the same? Yes. Is one in a jar filled with brine? Absolutely. On a completely unrelated note, I wonder what a pickle plant would look like if if actually existed…
I know there’s a ton of you out there reading this one and thinking to yourself going, “Wait, it’s not?” No, it isn’t. It just “distracts” other drivers behind you. I remember wanting to keep the light on as a child trying to play my Gameboy (it didn’t have a backlight) and my parents barking at me to shut it off because they didn’t want to get a ticket. All of those wasted hours sitting with my imagination, when I could’ve been playing Kirby’s Dreamland! Ugh!
Yes, there were throngs of children who believed that if they swallowed seeds they would look like something out of the movie Annihilation. I’d imagine it had something to do with parents not wanting their kids to choke and die, so they told a terrible lie instead to not deal with the potential of that happening.
Oof, this one is probably knocking the wind out of a lot of people. When you’re a child you have all of these dreams of freedom and that you’re going to go out into the world and do whatever it is you want when you’re an adult. Which you totally can do, it’s attainable, it just take a butt-ton of work and ingenuity in order to get to that point.
I’m not going to lie, this one depresses me to no end. I miss staying up late trying to rage into the night because I wanted to squeeze every ounce of excitement and beauty from the day when I was a child. Now, when I’m an adult and I face something that inconveniences me slightly, all I want is to just go to sleep. LAME.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this one isn’t anywhere near as relatable as the others on this list. I mean what else are those little black nubs on the hood of a car for? I pointed those out right away when I was a kid and remember asking my mom what two perfectly symmetrical bugs were doing sitting on the hood our whip.
Man, the moon can be such a stalker, right? An honest mistake, especially when you haven’t gotten to learning about the solar system in class. As for this dude below who to thought that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls, though…
I see you, and I know exactly where you’re coming from. What are some of the dumbest things you used to believe when you were a kid? Here I’ll drop another one: after finding out pro-wrestling was staged, that the performers knew how to “fall” in certain ways that made sure they didn’t get hurt.