Romance is tricky, especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time. That initial date is oftentimes an anxiety-laden affair and everyone’s on their best behavior, auditioning the best part of themselves.
Usually the true dregs of a human’s personality are discovered after the first couple of dates — that’s when you learn what someone’s really about. At least that’s how it usually goes, right?
So what is there to say about someone who, from the get-go, displays “red flag” behavior that makes you want to cancel any and all plans for a second date? These single men on reddit shared some of their most awkward “what were they thinking?!” stories.
Texting through dinner.
Went to dinner; she was on her phone the entire time texting. Even when we were talking. Figured she was just in it for a free dinner, cause really what’s the point of agreeing to date if you’re not going to try to get to know the person.
Movies during first date = bad idea.
I once went to a movie as a first date with a girl (her idea; bad idea). She got there late and the movie had already started. She then wanted to talk during the movie in the middle of the crowded theater. I didn’t shush her or anything, but everything was a one-word answer, trying to end the conversation. She got up halfway through and said I was obviously not interested in her. She was right.
Talking about pets and exes.
I went on a date with a lady I met online. She talked about three things on this date and little else.
The last time she had gastro.
There was no second date.
I drove her home because she didn’t have a car at that time, and she asked we stop for an errand… to pickup matching t-shirts she had designed for her and her ex.
She had a one-year-old and told me about a recent nasty divorce. No problem until she told me that the divorce was due to the baby not being his…
Date turned business-meeting.
I arrived at her place and she told me to hop in her car as she just need to drop something off at a friend’s house real quick. It wasn’t a friend, it was someone she had an appointment to sell those hot oil infusers and their millions of scented inserts to. I sat in a stranger’s home for 90 minutes while they smelled them all. She wanted to go to dinner afterwards and I asked her to please drop me off at the car so I could go home.
“She had a business to run.” Guess I didn’t even make it through a whole first date.
Reading subtitles out loud.
When we saw Fury in theaters, she read the subtitles out loud. I’m not sure if she thought I couldn’t read them or if she needed to sound them out, but I knew at that moment no follow-up was necessary.
I met a girl from my university for dinner one time and she started the date off by saying she only ate with her hands and didn’t use utensils because she’s a “super taster” and can taste the metals they’re made of. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we were eating finger foods of course, but it was a problem as I watched her eat a salmon filet and wild rice like f–king Gollum…
Just a little wedding ring.
She forgot to take off her wedding ring on the second date.
Teeth as black as the night. She didn’t have any diseases or syndromes but simply no “time” to brush her teeth.
For the record, her photos didn’t show her teeth.
She asked if I had any love interests still in existence. When I said no, she didn’t believe me. She told me she wanted to travel the world and see old friends (who were guys) and thought that I, as a lawyer, should work and pay for her travels. She was insane. She also offered to f–k in her car in the first five minutes of meeting. No second date for you!
The drug diaries.
She said, “Haha can’t wait for you to meet my older brother, he just got out of jail for selling heroin. ” Me: “Didn’t you tell me your younger brother was addicted to heroin?” Her: “Oh ya, wonder how that happened…”
F–k this shit, I’m out.
Daddy’s in jail.
Her fiancé wouldn’t like a second date.
Met her at a hospital (I was an ER patient for a hand wound, she was a phlebotomist). Asked her out to a movie and then dinner, had a really excellent talk about comics and movies. We were getting to know each other and flirting, it was clearly a date. At the end when I told her I’d like to do it again she said her fiancé probably wouldn’t be cool with it a second time.
The gum-chewing lesbian back-and-forth.
She chewed gum through our initial date, which was at a decent Italian place including a bottle of good white wine. And she proceeded to tell me how she had married early, had two kids (girls), realized she was a lesbian, left her husband and took most of his money, lived with girlfriend #1, left girlfriend #1 for #2, ended that and then realized that “long term, she needed a d-ck.”
I noped the f–k out of there so fast . . .
The unforgiving nurse.
Nurse I met on Tinder. She told me she disliked all her patients and that sometimes she would simply ignore them for long periods of time. That’s a no from me, dawg.
Doing him a favor.
This one girl told me she was “giving me a chance” because a mutual friend said I was nice. She was totally out of my league and we both knew it, but she insisted on acting like it was a favor to go out to dinner with me. If she’s not actively happy about seeing me, I don’t really want to see her either.
That no-wipe smell.
First and only date with a girl I barely knew through some friends. I drove to her house, she got in my car and smelled like she had just taken a massive sh-t but forgot to wipe. Went to dinner, I barely ate. Made an excuse to end early, dropped her off and drove home with the windows down in the middle of winter.
If I ask you a question or try to talk, please reciprocate. I hate that I feel like I’m supposed to use up an arsenal of questions that will only get a brief response in return.
Man I’m so happy I’m no longer dating.