It’s rough out there in the world of online dating. Apps have people treating each other like they’re disposable, with the swipe-left mentality of “on to the next.” It’s hard not to feel used.
It’s especially hard not to feel used when it seems like your match is literally trying to steal parts of your body to sell on the black market, leaving the remains in a bathtub full of ice in some seedy motel room.
Reddit user u/193229 shared a screenshot of a Tinder profile that is raising everyone’s eyebrows, because it seems like the inciting incident in a horror film. Meet Nicole, a very cute 26-year-old who is supposedly a registered nurse. So… she has medical experience.
Who wouldn’t swipe right on that lovely lady? Well, make sure to read the bio, folks. Always read the bio. Here’s what Nicole is looking for:
Okay, that all sounds reasonable. Who doesn’t want a trustworthy, HEALTHY mate to grow old with?
Maybe Nicole has seen some stuff at the hospital—and she doesn’t want to bring her work home and have to care for some guy who is bedridden or unable to do yard work. Fair enough!
Let’s read on:
Um, okay, that’s pretty specific. She wants a man with…organs? All their organs? She’s just hungry for organs!
Well, fair enough. There are certainly people who live happy, functional lives even if they’ve lost an organ, but again, maybe Nicole doesn’t want to deal with that. We all have our dating quirks.
So, what else does Nicole want?
As commenters point out, it sure seems like Nicole is fishing for someone with some very healthy organs to steal:
You know, as a “reporter” I try to be objective, but I must interject here that I think this profile is FAKE AS HELL, though still very funny.
A few other versions have popped up since this one appeared on Reddit, so either people have realized this is going to be a popular joke, or there is a particularly inept group of organ stealers on Tinder right now:
I had no idea Organ Harvesting Tinder was a thing. Time to hop back on!
— Andrea Thomson Viner (@andrea_viner) July 15, 2018
If you really are an organ harvester, you probably have a much chiller profile than Nicole’s. Stating exactly which organs you’re eying in your bio is amateur stuff.
If you’re going to get your organs stolen on a date, you want it to be done by a professional!
Makes the chances of survival much higher. 😉