Has anyone out there ever had a really good first date? Even the first dates with those who I’ve had relationships with were at least a little awkward. When you know nothing about the other person and are trying to make a good impression, things can get a little nervewracking if not straight up weird.
Aside from hoping the rain didn’t mess up your hair and you don’t spill anything from dinner on your shirt, first dates always come with two worrisome scenarios: “Do they like me as much as I like them?” or “how the heck do I get out of here?”
Regardless of whether you enjoy dating or not, we’ve all got our horror stories from the dates that went much worse then we had planned. Here are 15 real first date stories that’ll make you laugh and cry:
1. It’s All Relative
“I was asked out by a cute co-worker who was from a neighboring town. He showed up to pick me up and came in to meet my parents. My grandma happened to be there and said, ‘Eric, it’s so great to see you, I just had coffee with your mom.’
“‘Grandma, how do you know Eric?’
“‘His mom and I are cousins.’
“We went four-wheeling and hung out as friends and swore we’d never tell anyone at work that we totally dodged a bullet.”
2. The Men’s Rights Activist
“I made a joke about how I hoped he didn’t ‘murder me.’ He took this to mean I was talking about rape and said he ‘hoped I wasn’t a feminist’ because ‘men have it much worse’ and went on a literal 15-minute rant about men’s rape statistics in prison.
I made it clear that wasn’t what I had meant at all, and wanted to see if we could change the conversation to make it through the meal. He replied that he was ‘too fired up and couldn’t talk about anything else.’ I left before the appetizer got to the table.”
3. Keep It Simple, Stupid
“I had the bright idea to suggest zip-lining as a first date activity, even though I had zero experience. I should have just given up when I slammed into a tree on the little practice zip line.
But apparently I’m a glutton for punishment and I decided to keep going. Halfway through, I had a small panic attack and they had to come and rappel me off the platform. All this time, my date just stared at me, dumbfounded.”
“I was living in a new city and having met an interesting guy on a dating site, we decided to go to one of the city’s many museums. I was really excited, but on my way there I realized I had gotten my museums mixed up.
Instead of the quirky naturalism museum I thought I had chosen, I invited this guy to a national surgery museum. Nothing like trying to make small talk while looking through glass at formaldehyde jars with severed penises in them.
Later on, it came to light that we had the same last name and it was all downhill from there.”
5. Where’s The Beef?
“I wanted to impress her by taking her to an expensive steakhouse. After we were seated, she told me that she was a vegetarian. She had a meal of bread and a side order of potatoes.”
If you thought that was uncomfortable, wait until you find out why this next guy’s date needed legal advice!