I'm kind of in love with Jeff Goldblum. Sure, the fact that the guy is super handsome, tall, and has a great head of hair helps. So does the fact that he was the lead in one of the most terrifying movies I've ever watched as a child.
But it mostly has to do with the fact that in all of his roles, he seems to play the guy who always knows better. Always one step ahead of the other guys, always the person who has a problem with something and is ready to say, "I told you so." And he does it perfectly, because the guy's super intelligent.
Mostly when I enjoy his performances, I don't think about any of that, because there's no way I'm going to out-think the always pensive Goldblum.
So I'm not going to try and understand why the man handed out free sausages in Sydney, Australia.
Yes, that's right, the Jurassic Park star was just doling out free sausages to people in Sydney from his own food truck titled "Chef Goldblum's Jazzy Snags."
He's just chatting it up with fans who enjoyed their free sausages and time spent with one of the coolest actors ever.
Does it have to do with the news that Goldblum's going to star in the next Jurassic World movie?
Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are returning to the movie, too. Will Jeff be responsible for on-set catering, giving delicious sausage sandwiches to the cast and crew, while reprising his role as Dr. Ian Malcolm?
People were understandably excited about the wonderfully random event.
Others desperately tried to find Chef Goldblum and his delicious sausages.
Others lamented that they weren't present to witness such a fantastic event.
Hopefully this becomes a recurring thing the actor does. Jeff, if you're planning on coming to NYC, I've got a better recommendation: an awesome Northern New Jersey town that'll be way more chill. So what if I happen to live there? That's purely a coincidence.
Sometimes when social elitism and technology come together, it yields disastrous results. Like the $1,000 "I Am Rich" iPhone app that basically just put an icon on your iPhone that let the world knew you were an idiot for dropping a grand on a little jpeg.
But there's an even bigger failure that melds the use of our modern consumer technology with people's desires to live extravagant lifestyles.
And that is the train wreck that is the Fyre Festival. Twitter user Iron Spike breaks down the madness that was supposed to be a "premium" party experience.
Sounds like a wealthy partygoer's paradise, right?
But there were signs well before the truth came out that this party wasn't what it seemed.
Then once people started arriving, the truth came out: the Fyre Festival was actually a Dumpster Fyre.
That's right, the "luxury" cabanas guests paid thousands of dollars to stay in were relief tents, you know, the ones used for refugees?
The food situation was equally bad. This was what you got for paying extra for a catered "meal."
It was obvious to everyone who showed up that this thing was doomed from the start.
Festival -goers were horrified by what they found when they came to the island.
It became a full-blow disaster.
The Fyre Festival stories on social media are just sad. As one Twitter user put, it's "like watching dreams die in vertical video." I can't think of any way to put it any better.
While on the island, partygoers found a notebook which revealed that Fyre Festival was pretty much doomed from the start.
Pages from the book prove that two weeks before the festival, permits weren't set and most preliminary work wasn't done.
It looks like it was all being developed by one Tom Haverford-esque dude who had delusions of grandeur but zero know-how.
Fyre Festival's twitter account shows just how much of a crapshoot the entire event was.
Within a span of 5 hours the festival planner(s) went from, "we're gonna fix it" to "we've got to cancel and refund everyone."
I just feel bad for the poor kids who wanted to be a part of something cool and blew all their time and savings on what ended up being a disaster.
But it's hard to be too sympathetic.