1. When my son decided — in the grocery store parking lot — that it would be “fun” to scream “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY! WHERE’S MY MOMMY? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” He had this evil smirk on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that. He started yelling it louder.
2. When I was play arguing with my 7 year old and she said she wished she was dead like my miscarried baby. Fucking savage and a brat.
3. Years ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. Our daughter overhears us and comes into the room just as things hit their peak. My wife rushes into the bathroom crying. I’m left sitting on the bed feeling low, listening to my wife sob on the other side of the door. Our daughter looks up at me with a smile and says “Mommy’s crying” and proceeds to laugh loud enough for mom to hear. And with that, I was in trouble for something entirely new.
4. When I watched my younger son walk out on the porch, pick up a plastic whiffle bat, look at it, look at his older brother sitting on the porch steps, look back at the bat, and then haul back and crack his brother’s head like Babe Ruth popping one out of the park.
I could watch his thought process in 5 seconds time: Bat. . .Brother. . .Bat. . .Hit. No hesitation.
5. I have three sons. 8, 23 and 26.
The middle one, Andrew, boasted to me that he had sex with “over 30 chicks” on Tinder. And with some of them in my bed.
Yeah, Andrew, you’re a dick. Congrats.
6. “Daddy, can you get me this game called the Sims?”
“Sure, surprised you’ve heard of it…”
“Oh yeah, Suzy says it’s so much more satisfying killing people instead of the pigs I kill in Minecraft.”
“Is your main reason for playing video games so you can kill things?”
“Well, keeps me from doing it in real life, so I don’t see the problem with that.”
Then she winked at me.
I still don’t know if she was just fucking with me.
7. One time my son(seven years old) was playing in the back yard and he said he was hungry so I went to make a sandwich for him. when I came back he was holding a frog he had just killed and ate it.
8. My parents dog died and I had to explain to my kids that David (Really was his name) passed away. Kids grew up with this dog always in their lives and were all really upset as expected. Except my youngest he said, “Wait, that’s sad, right?” Um yes, the correct emotional response here is sadness. He was 6. I keep an eye on that one.
9. When my kid and I walked passed this tae kwon do place, I’ve always tried to get her to sign up for, finally she says, “Yes, I’ll sign up.” We walk further down the street and she mumbles, “Then I can beat up Isabella.”
10. When she tried to strangle her sister and a couple weeks later lied to the school about her being abused, leading to a full blown investigation (later they discovered from her friends that she lied) while packing her things we discovered that she had been stealing opiates, and alcohol. She can’t live with us anymore to protect her younger sister.
11. Not the parent but I used to baby sit for 2 boys (8 and 4) who had very devout parents. After telling them it was time to pack away the toys and go to sleep one, the older one turned to me, deadpan expression and just said ‘I look forward to watching you burn in hell, sinner lady’ and run away laughing…
12. I have two sons. One is 11 and the other 7. The 7 year old is…special. Highly intelligent and very social. But also does a lot of deep thinking. Early one Sunday morning he came up to me, out of the blue, and said:
“Dad, how do ducks work?”
I was all “how to what? What? Ducks? Huh” in a half sleep state. Before I could work out what he wanted to know he said: “I guess if I open one up, I’ll find out?” and walked away.
Honestly spent a good hour looking for ducks and watched him carefully when he went near the kitchen utensils.
13. He told me that pouring hot water on daddy would be so, so, sooooo funny.
Shen my daughter was much younger, she and my ex’s son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away.
14. When our 13 year old decided to steal 200 dollars that was hidden in my desk one week before Christmas, he then spent it all in one day on candy, and yelled at us for confiscating what was left of it, he also told us it was our fault for leaving money in the house.
To confirm that he is horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn’t like seeing anyone else happy which is why he broke his one year old brothers things.
15. When my four year old found a pair of scissors at Kindergarten and cut the school phone line.
16. Not the mom, but the aunt. Sister’s older girl is a saint, but the little one is a psychopath and sister and brother in law indulge every crazy behavior of hers.
One of the worst was last year when one of my sister’s ureter broke and she had to get a tube from her kidney, out of her body and to a bag, while said ureter healed. She was pretty ill and was in the hospital for a bit more than a month.
Anyways, second night she’s back home, little shit PULLS the tube out of my sister’s kidney, requiring her to get an emergency surgery.
Little shit’s excuse? She KNEW doing that would hurt mommy, but she (my sister) was getting SO MUCH attention from daddy since she got home… attention she (little shit) deserves more.
The worst part is that my sister and brother in law thought that was cute… smh. The crazy part is that my older niece would have never gotten away with something like that, so I don’t really get why they spoiled the younger one so much.
I know she’s my niece, but I just can’t see past those behaviors and like her… she’s 6.
17. This chilling conversation with my then 4.5 year old daughter…
“Mommy, do you love me?”
“Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!”
“Even after I kill _(little brother’s name)?”
Sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye… At the time she had recently learned to tie knots and I’d already had to take her jump ropes away as I’d found her with one tied around little brother’s neck pretending he was her horsie!
18. Not the parent, but my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, my half-brother tried to convince her to swallow a steak knife so that it would cut me up and she would have an abortion. Then when I was I think seven, he turned on the shower, put on a movie for me and my sister, and snuck out while he was supposed to be babysitting to go pick up his girlfriend in my dad’s car, which he then wrecked. In his adult years, he’s beaten a jack russell terrier puppy to death and at one point tried to commit suicide by downing a bottle of melatonin.
There’s more, but I don’t think anyone will believe me as it is.
19. When my sons were 12 and 13 the older one stole $600 from my wife and I. He gave the younger one half. When they were caught and everything was said and done the younger son told us that we didn’t have the right to take “his” money from him because he didn’t steal it. That was when I knew. Now ages 19 and 20, the older son has long grown out of it. The younger one has never stopped stealing and lying. Before moving out he told me that he has always resented me for locking things up and, I’m quoting him here, “not letting me take whatever I want from you”. It amazes me because we raised all four of our kids the same way and the other two have always been good kids and kind hearted. Oh well
20. Not the parents, I’m actually the monster, when I was 5 I stabbed my mom in the thigh with a screw-driver, I’m surprised she didn’t give me up.
21. Last year, when my 12 year old son set his mother’s house on fire because she told him to feed the animals.
22. My kids were talking and my 8 year old turned to the 4 year old and said “If I had to choose between me dying and you dying, I would choose me.”
Without even thinking about it the youngest replied “I would choose you too.”
23. When one pulled a knife on the other one.
24. We took our son Red Lobster. He was 5 at the time. He waved to try lobster and liked it, and my wife and I were glad he was being an adventurous eater.
On the way out, he went over to the lobster tank, tapped on the glass, and manically cackled, “I’ll eat you next time!”
25. He threw a pair of scissors at me. Luckily he missed but I think he was going for my head cause I was standing up and the kitchen counter was between us, so only the upper half of my body was over the table. This one was also a long time ago.
26. When my sister was 6 my mom yelled at her for something and her reply was: “I can’t wait until Dad divorces you so I can go live with him and not you.” A couple of years later she would also tell me that she hoped I died. Good times…
27. My mom had a breakdown when my brother held a knife to his throat and threatened to kill himself after she refused to buy him tf2 skins.
28. My six yo daughter told me to shave that thing off, my goatee. Couple days later I did, I asked her, “Do you like it?” She makes a bit of a face and says, “No I didn’t know your chin was so small.”
29. In first grade my son put his dick through the cracks of the bathroom stall door at his school. Every time a kid walked past he would yell “LOOK AT MY PENIS”. Imagine receiving this call from the school principal. He was in a small private school. So very humiliating.
30. I was the monster.
When I was 5 or 6, I was looking out of the window on the second storey, watching the rain pour down and the streets flood up. My paternal aunt was with me at that time. I told her that when I grow up, I would push my father into an open manhole so that he’d fall.
Fast forward to present, I no longer am a monster. I helped my father put my two youngest siblings through college, and would assist him on his personal projects, like building his garage.
31. My son will be playing goat sim and I’ll hear him say, “I’m beating up my wife,” as he is head butting another goat.
32. Today my 4 year old told me that only the whores wear glitter.
33. My 1.5 yo is a biter. Her literally runs at me baring his teeth trying to bite me.
34. When my son was 6 months old he had a nasty virus that he gave to me. It was night number two of no sleep and he was crying inconsolably while I tried to rock him to sleep. I was so exhausted and miserable that I started sobbing too. He stopped crying, looked at me, and laughed. My first thought was “Oh good, I’m raising a maniac”. At least he stopped crying.
35. My 3 year old granddaughter was visiting us. We were playing. With a huge smile on her face she said, ” Pawpaw, I’m gonna stab you in the mouth.” As I looked at her a little shocked I asked, “Why my mouth?” She looked at me with a smile that would light the world and said, “So no one can hear you scream silly.”
36. My 6 year old daughter punched my 4 year old son in the face and gave him a bloody nose. When I asked her why she punched him in the face, she looked at me and said. ‘I didn’t punch him in the face, I punched him in the nose’.
37. My 5 year old brother called my mother a “fat bitch” and got timeout. I told him he got what he deserved, and he got this crazed look on his face and told me “Now you’re going to get what you deserve!”, pulled out a pocketknife and started chasing me with it. My parents took him to the cop shop to try to scare him straight (town of 800 people, so the sheriff was basically always free). The sheriff walked up to my little brother to talk to him, but when he hunched over to get closer, my brother just socked him square in the mouth. He has since outgrown his rage, thank god.
38. When I was 10 & my brother was 8, our parents took us to see Bambi at the cinema. When Bambi’s mum was shot dead, my brother burst out laughing.
39. When my son was 13 or 14, we were chatting about how as kids get older, and parents become elderly, often the kids become a care-giver to some degree to the parent. My son offhandedly remarked that he’d be looking for the cheapest nursing home at which to park me. Bastard.
40. Shopping in Publix and my 4 year old looks at an employee and calmy says. “Your lips are ugly.”
41. Oh man, too many to list. The most recent is when my son shot me with his Nerf gun directly in my eyeball. My eye still hurts a week later.
42. Not a parent, but an older brother of a young sibling. He poured paint thinner all over my moms flowers one summer after my dad accidentally left it on the deck (we were repainting the deck). More happy that he didn’t drink it but it was definitely an “oh my god” moment. She probably spends 100 hours+ and a lot of money gardening every spring/summer so it was a big deal.
43. When my son blithely told me he wants to play the documentary Under the Curve for his classmates because he is trying to convince them the world is flat. He admits he knows it is not, but he is trying, actively, to CON them into thinking it IS.
44. My dad told me when we were driving once, I was in the back and was trying to climb through to the front , he pushed my back to the seat, I was maybe 6-7 and apparently said, ‘When you’re all old and weak I’m going to chuck you about!’
45. My kid was 12 at the time, we were driving their friend home after a sleepover. They were taking turns roasting eachother in the back seat.
Then my kid says “your parents probably knew you would stutter, that’s why they named you A-aron”.
Yes, he did have a stuttering problem.
46. My five-year-old was eating some chocolate, and I told him not to get any on the floor because Sadie, my family’s dog, would eat it.
Him: Then she’ll die?
Him: Mommy I thought you don’t like Sadie.
Me: Well yeah, I don’t.
Him: And you don’t want her to die???
Me: Well… you can dislike someone, but that doesn’t mean you hate them enough that you want them to die.
Him: Oh. So it’s okay if you don’t like someone… you don’t have to kill them or anything, right?
Me: … Right.
Him: Oh. Okay. Thanks Mommy.
Had he just been going around expecting to kill people he doesn’t like all that time? I’ll never know.
47. My mom found out her lack of parenting with my brother went wrong when he tried to choke me out for accidentally kicking him.
I don’t even remember being choked, but apparently it was so bad he had to go to anger management and therapy for 3 years.
48. Not me but my parents. My brother was always the naughty one. Shoplifting as a kid, mouthing off at school etc. But I think when they realized he was a genuinely bad person was when he stole a bunch of stuff out of some old guys cabin and then burned it down so he wouldn’t get caught.
Spoiler alert: He got caught anyways because he pawned it all at our local pawn shop and they had his name and caught him on camera.
49. My 11 yr old son recently called 911 and said I slapped him. CPS came, it was a cluster. It was so well orchestrated, he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face. I didn’t slap him and it eventually got debunked although he still won’t admit it. A couple months later, he told his dad I forced him to make the ol’ dirty 2 finger licking gesture, take a pic and send it to him.
He lives with his dad now, and isn’t allowed here until I can afford a camera system. Still unclear on a motive.
50. Three year old daughter deliberately screaming to wake up her four month old sister.
For five hours. During a long car ride.