I am pretty sure that my name is always written all over your body like notes. A day won’t pass that I am not in your thoughts. I know there’s a lot of songs that reminding you of me. A certain scent that you smell and you look around hoping that it’s me. Too bad we were both blinded by anger and jealousy. We ended up bringing our relationship in a dark and broken galaxy. Back then, I promised you that I’ll give everything. I am genuinely sorry if I failed and give you only one thing — me.

I want you to know that I have loved you so much. We had the kind of love that hurts so good, the kind of love that we can’t get enough and crave for more, the kind of love and was real for sure. You were my greatest love, my priority, my always first choice. But not only you didn’t believe me, you even took my voice. I decided to silence myself until it grew us uncomfortable until it grew us apart until I hid from you and left you alone in this relationship. I could still feel talking to you in my mind. Rehearsing our daily argument and defending myself against something you said about me. Maybe you were right, all I do is hurt and confuse everyone around me. But, my love, why do I feel like I am the only one here who is hurting? The view of the city lights was blurry because my eyes were filled with my own tears.

I want you to remember this: even if I am scared, I will still keep you sacred. The things that we shared, I will still keep them secret. If you love her, then you know what to do. I just pray that she really loves you, too. If you’re worried about me, oh please don’t. I am surrounded by beautiful people – I am in a good place now. The things you said about me, I’ll prove you wrong – watch as I show you how. Even though the sting has not left me and the scars are still visible, I’ve learned that it’s definitely not you who could hurt and break me. My heart, mind, body, and soul don’t belong to you, it all belongs to me. One day, we will reap what we have sown. One day, I will find my own kind of person and call him home.

Oh, before I forget, send my love to your new lover. Tell her that I was your first. Tell her I took half of your soul. Tell her she cannot fill that void. Whisper into her ear that I am your ghost. TC mark


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