Dirty Christmas Jokes

24) Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: Because he only comes once a year.

25) Q: What’s Santa’s safe sex tip?
A: Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.

26) Q: Why does Santa land on the roof?
A: Because he likes it on top.

27) If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, do you mind if I visit between the holidays?

28) Q: What do a train set and boobs have in common?
A: They were both made for kids but dads can’t help playing with them.

29) Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven.
“In honor of this holy season,” he said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “This represents a candle,” he said.

“Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” said Saint Peter.

The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. They jingled as he shook them and he said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said, “You may also enter heaven.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. Saint Peter looked at the man, puzzled. “And just what do those symbolize?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”

Merry Christmas, you guys. If you’re on the naughty list, we hope these jokes filled you with some cheer.


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