Thanksgiving can be an emotionally trying time for families who travel across cities just to spend an annual meal together. But instead of focusing all of your energy on rolling your eyes every time your great-uncle says something you don’t agree with, bring up everyone’s mood with Thanksgiving jokes to add some holiday-related humor to the festivities.
From dad jokes to turkey puns, with some jabs at Pilgrims in between, relish Thanksgiving this year by biting into some of these jokes and sharing them with the whole family. It’ll be more fun to get laughs out of everyone than to argue about politics with people who’ll never get where you’re coming from.
1) My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I told them I couldn’t just quit “cold turkey.”
2) A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She turned to the stock boy and asked, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” “No, ma’am,” he replied. “They’re dead.”
3) Amy: Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving dinner.
Dad: Why? Is it broken?
4) I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but now that I sat on them, I’m serving squash.
5) Q: What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?
A: I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
6) Q: If Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
A: Their age!
7) Q: What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
8) Thanksgiving is the only holiday where you eat the mascot.
9) Q: What do you call a stuffed animal?
A: You, after Thanksgiving.
10) Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
11) Q: If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
A: Scholar ships.
12) Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
13) Q: What happens when you’re too harsh on cranberries and make them sad?
A: They turn into blueberries.
14) Q: What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.
Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids
15) Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was Thanksgiving Day and he wanted people to think he was a chicken!
16) A first grade class was asked to write a paragraph called “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving.” Little Johnny’s began, “I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.”
17) Q: What does a Pilgrim call his friends?
18) A potato and a sweet potato were playing on the playground. The sweet potato told the potato, “Hey, I just found out I’m related to you.” The potato said, “No, you’re not!” and the sweet potato replied, “Yes, I yam.”
19) Q: When did the Pilgrims first say, “God bless America?”
A: The first time they heard America sneeze.
20) Q: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, of course! A building can’t jump at all.
21) Q: Why did the cranberries turn red?
A: Because they saw the turkey dressing.
22) Q: What do you call Thanksgiving if you’re selfish?
23) Q: What do you call a running turkey?
A: Fast food.
24) Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
A: He suspected fowl play.
25) Q: What sound does a limping turkey make?
A: “Wobble, wobble!”
26) Q: Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey, because it is always stuffed.
27) Q: What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?
28) Q: What do you call an evil turkey?
29) Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy, I’m stuffed!
30) Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for everyone.
31) My husband doesn’t think housework is a full-time job. So for Thanksgiving, I served him a raw turkey because revenge is a dish best served cold.
32) Q: What’s the best song to sing when preparing your Thanksgiving turkey?
A: “All About That Baste.”
33) Q: Why was there a turkey on Comedy Central?
A: He was there for a roast.
34) It was the first time a blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to reenact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. “Oh mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter. “Did it not taste good?” her mother asked. “I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”
Happy Thanksgiving! We hope these Thanksgiving jokes are able to keep the whole family stuffed.