Into even the smallest of lives, some unbelievable wonder falls. Too bad no one will believe it. Even if you have a reputation for brutal honesty, there are some things that happen to a person in their life that you better have witnesses for.
Twitter user @mhoye decided to give everyone an opportunity to air these special events by asking followers “what’s the least plausible story about yourself that’s true.” The request blew up, because apparently a lot of people have been sitting on some crazy-ass stories for a long, long time.
OK Twitter. It’s late but let’s see if we can make this interesting:
What is the least plausible story about yourself that’s true?
— mhoye (@mhoye) June 23, 2018
Some comments are clearly jokes, but most of the stories are almost too weird to make up—or a little too on the nose, like this story about being related to the creator of Pinocchio. Is your nose growing, @AJLorenzini?
There are several stories of muggings that turned out surprisingly well:
Someone tried to mug me. I was so tired that I didn’t realize what was happening and said, “No, thank you.” He told me to give him my bag and wallet again, and I said, “I’m okay, thanks.”
He just stood there for a minute and then walked away.
I read through the whole encounter https://t.co/H68TUU1tY8
— Laura Dern Hype Squad (@Ikiruined) June 29, 2018
Though one openly incorporates lying:
Some tweens in Germany tried to mug me when I was 16 and I got out of it by claiming I was Chelsea Clinton and telling them they didn’t want to get on my dad’s bad side.
— Sarah Scott (@SAR_S) June 27, 2018
Sure, the ferrets made your dad not go to work:
when i was little we had ferrets. one morning they took my dads keys and he couldn’t go to work. there was two and they kept giving the keys to each other and running. he chased them for 2 hours and they only put them back on the table when he went back to bed. https://t.co/sUPbAhaHO6
— c (@lightiscomiing) June 29, 2018
Does anyone believe Tommy Wiseau had an acting coach?
I was Tommy Wiseau’s acting coach for two weekends on The Room.
— Caroline Carrigan (@carcarrigan) June 25, 2018
This just sounds like bad audience etiquette:
I got onstage at a sex show in Amsterdam and chatted on the revolving bed with the girl while a guy dressed as Batman had sex with her.
We talked about clothes.
— Jessica Naipier-Kane (@Crankynewperky) June 24, 2018
There are stories that incorporate famous people, like Mr. Worldwide:
The rapper Pitbull once flew me first-class to Alaska because I pulled a prank on him
— David Thorpe (@Arr) June 26, 2018
And also famous locations, like a movie set contaminated with poop:
I hid my husband’s besharted boxer shorts in a cast and crew tent on the set of Pearl Harbor.
— Alex HouseOfLeaves (@Box0fFrogs) June 25, 2018
But the stories of coincidence might be the best ones:
1) Back in landline days, someone trying to reach me at home misdialed the number by a digit and I happened to be at the location he called. 2) I had a conversation alone with Diana Ross in her kitchen while she was in her nightgown.
— Rutherley🌹 (@Rutherley) June 24, 2018
And the stories that remind you to clear all your past debts to society ASAP:
I got arrested last month for a video game I didn’t return in 1997.
— Charlie Foxtrot (@thunderchikn) June 25, 2018
Some of these stories seem like they were lifted from the movies:
Both rom-coms and horror flicks:
I was 12, living in Utah; dude in a blue VW bug started shadowing me. Felt freaked out, ran through neighbors’ back yards to lose him. Saw that same face again, on the front page, when they executed Ted Bundy.
— Zina Petersen (@ZinaNPetersen) June 26, 2018
Or maybe an animated movie about plucky pets:
Whether you believe these or not, they make a fascinating read and amongst all the tall tales, there’s a least this one guy who brought the receipts: