There are some reality TV shows that, likely due to a combination of relatively low-production costs and consistently decent ratings, will never, ever, ever be taken off the air.
After 20 seasons of Big Brother, it looks like the show that puts a bunch of strangers in a house, feeds them free booze, and then records the drama, has definitely solidified itself as one of those series.
The newest cast of housemates just made their network debut, and to call them a motley crew would be an understatement.
26-year-old Substitute Teacher, Faysal Shafaat.
You should love this guy because he admitted to peeing the bed until his was 10 years old which is why he’s so good at doing his own laundry. The kind of man that admits that on national television has no shame and it’s a beautiful thing.
27-year-old Welder, Sam Bledsoe.
Sam used to wrangle wild animals like snakes and raccoons with her bare hands, and raised honeybees. She also believes that her experience as a waitress, bartender, and hairdresser will make her a master of intelligence to win the competition.
23-year-old Lifeguard Tyler Crispen.
This dude’s a champion bowler and really, really, really likes quinoa and pre-workout supplements. He’s also very, very, very tan. Hence the name “Crispen.”
25-year-old flight attendant, Bayleigh Denton.
Bayleigh’s super into yoga, the Bible, but also mentions that she blows up on people by calling them out on their stuff. Just the kind of dichotomous personality traits that’ll result in some household drama.
28-year-old professional dancer, Jason Monduix
He admittedly gets very sensitive when people make fun of his height – Jason’s 4’8. He also has a thing for melatonin and hoverboards which don’t sound like a safe mix.
21-year-old college student Haleigh Broucher.
Haleigh’s terrified of chainsaws and crossing the street. So maybe watching this scene while walking around NYC would be a bad idea for her.
40-year-old former undercover cop, Steve Arienta.
This guy stresses his need for a nightly bath. Might have something to do with the fact he was a boss wrestler in high school as well as a sick football player – he won a scholarship to Northwestern to play pigskin. Used all of that to get a pretty good Organized Crime Investigation Division gig with the NYPD.
30-year-old pro football player, Kaycee Clark.
Kaycee’s the first pro football player to ever be on the show and as it turns out, Big Brother the only TV show she watches. I mean, not even Breaking Bad?
28-year-old Medical Sales rep, Winston Hines.
This dude from Bowling Green, Kentucky wants people to know he gets mistaken for Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling all the time. And he holds his high school’s 40-yard-dash record for over 10 years.
29-year-old Vegas Entertainer, Rachel Swindler.
Yes it’s funny that someone who works in Vegas has the last name Swindler, but “Craychel” (nickname her friends gave her, ha) also knows how to user her power over men to secure big tips, and that kind of manipulation could be good for the competition.
26-year-old Shipping Manager, Scottie Salton.
Scottie’s awesome because he chose to reveal his family’s unique child punishment structure by mentioning how he was the one who got grounded after being vomited on by his brother. He also revealed he’s a 26-year-old virgin who’s never been kissed.
34-year-old Stay-at-home-mom, Angie Lantry.
Lantry definitely has a Mrs. Frizzle vibe going on, and sounds like she leans towards super hippiedom. She’s all about the “powers” of crytals, burning sage to remove “bad juju,” had natural births for all of her children, and apparently a unicorn walked her down the aisle during the day of her wedding.
23-year-old Day Trader, Chris Williams
Williams has a photographic memory, hates the beach, and is all about self-help and self empowerment and money moves. Sounds like tons of fun at parties.
26-year-old fitness model Angela Rummans.
Rummans is a self-touted freak athlete and is looking forward to emasculating dudes in the house at sports, which would make for some excellent TV.
25-year-old Cyber Security Engineer, Brett Robinson
Robinson has a fear of the ladies thinking he has stank breath so toothbrushes are a top priority for him. He also likes hacking into his friends’ computers for fun.
24-year-old Life Coach, Kaitlyn Herman
Herman’s also a big time crystal lover, and sleeps with her eyes open. A psychic medium revealed to her that she’s going to be one of the most influential self-helpers in the world, and randomly assaults family members with sage to remove bad vibes.
The ghosts of human decency.
Basic privacy and the common self-respect we once revered as a species has long since left the Big Brother house, but if you listen closely during an episode, the sound of its absence is deafening beneath the noise and petty arguments between the contestants.