After Roseanne wrote an offensive tweet (then tried to blame it on Ambien), her successful reboot series got canned by ABC. As the Twitterverse started buzzing about rumors of a new reboot show, ABC officially confirmed that the series will return without its controversial main star. The new show, tentatively called The Connors, will focus more on Dan and Darlene.
But fans are skeptical. After all, how do you make a show not about the person whose name is in the title? Well, fans came up with some theories for how writers can discreetly address the problem. From death to alien abductions, here’s a round-up of the weirdest.
Theory: The writers will dance around her absence by saying she’s “busy.”
They should just keep it “Rosanne” and write around her absence.
Episode 1: Roseanne has a contagious disease
Episode 2: Roseanne is on vacation with friends
Episode 3: Characters just keep missing Roseanne, who’s in and out all day https://t.co/JFBVfA8ysi
— Jonathan Chait (@jonathanchait) June 22, 2018
New York writer Jonathan Chai came up with this theory, which involves the characters awkwardly dancing around the big elephant in the room. With the right writing, this one could possibly work.
Theory: She’ll be replaced by Danny DeVito.
They should just recast Roseanne’s character with Danny DeVito but not address it at all
— Vape God Kwassa Kwassa (@jackyardbeisbol) May 29, 2018
By far our favorite suggestion. Come on, ABC. Let’s make it happen!
Theory: She’ll be replaced by Ashton Kutcher.
Remember when Charlie Sheen had a public meltdown, got kicked off Two and Half Men, and replaced by Ashton Kutcher? Hey, second time’s a charm.
Theory: They’ll simply edit her out.
“Roseanne minus Roseanne” should be like “Garfield minus Garfield”: don’t change the scripts but replace Roseanne’s lines with unexplained silence.
— Mike P (@krankor) June 22, 2018
If you’re unfamiliar with Garfield Minus Garfield, it’s a funny site that edits out the titular Garfield character out of Garfield comic strips. What’s left is a oddly funny look into the world of lonely psychopath Jon Arbuckle. Maybe Roseanne can achieve critical success by going the same route? Unlikely, but it’s funny to think about.
Theory: She’ll be replaced by Forest Whitaker.
As a fan of absurdity, I would continue Roseanne and just replace her with Forest Whitaker playing Idi Amin with absolutely no explanation or discussion.
— Jean-Michel (@torriangray) May 30, 2018
In the long list of “Roseanne will be replaced by _____” theories, this one is by far the most random, especially considering we haven’t even seen The Last King of Scotland.
Theory: She’ll replaced by another ’90s show.
Replace Roseanne with a revival of The Critic and keep all of the references to the early 90s
— Daniel Kibblesmith ☃️ (@kibblesmith) May 31, 2018
Now this is a suggestion we can get behind, especially since fellow ’90s animated show Daria is also returning this year.
Theory: ABC will create a spinoff and kill off Roseanne in the first episode.
The @ABCNetwork should create a spinoff show called “The Connors.”
John Goodman would get the lead role he deserves, and the 1st episode can be Roseanne’s funeral after being denied healthcare treatment.
The rest of the cast and crew keep their jobs. No Roseanne required.
— Shomeo (@SassBaller) May 30, 2018
Out of all the theories, this one is the most likely to be true. After all, Twitter user @SassBaller already correctly predicted the spinoff title, The Connors.
Theory: The show will morph into ‘Don’t Trust the B—h in Apartment 23’.
As fans of the cult-favorite TV show (that was killed off way too soon), we can totally get behind this one.
Theory: Instead of Dan dying, it was Roseanne who died all along.
The controversial series finale of the original Roseanne ended with the death of Dan, which angered fans at the time. When the show was rebooted, many viewers were left wondering how the show would handle Dan’s death (they just pretended it never happened). But now with Roseanne out of the picture, one suggestion fans have is for writers to revisit that infamous storyline as an explanation for Roseanne’s death, suggesting that Dan had been hallucinating the whole time. *head explodes*
Theory: She dies and goes back to her planet — ‘Simpsons’ style.
There’s a famous episode of The Simpsons where they bring in the character Poochie on The Itchy and Scratchy Show. The character is so unpopular, writers edit him out of the show by lazily telling viewers that the dog had to “go back to his planet.” The Roseanne reboot could definitely go the same route if they wanted.
Theory: “She was just here!”
This theory also goes in hand with the “She’s just busy!” theories. Could work for a few episodes, but viewers will probably get tired of the joke real quick.
Theory: She dies of a drug overdose.
Out of all the theories, this one is a bit of a downer. However, it is believable and picks up where the last episode left off. But still, we’re not sure if we can handle something this heavy.
Theory: She’ll be replaced with a revolving door of guest stars
Now this is something we’ll watch. You can add Neil deGrasse Tyson to that “guest stars” list.
Theory: She’s kept on the show but kept in the basement
They should keep Roseanne in the show but have her chained up in the basement and never actually on screen. Just the occasional roaring and other characters taking buckets of fish heads down there now and then.
— The First Pirate Ninja Monkey Of Winter (@jonkudelka) June 22, 2018
Ahh, another Simpsons reference rears its head again, this one from comic artist Jon Kudelka.
Theory: It was all a dream.
They should just kill off Roseanne and say the first season was a dream. Call it “Everybody Loves Dan.”
— Dave Landau (@LandauDave) May 29, 2018
And lastly, when you’re all out of ideas, simply lie and say it was “all a dream.” Hey, it worked for Dallas; maybe it can work again.