It’s hard to imagine what life is like for Donald Trump’s comb-over. You’re brittle, greying, and, more than anything, all you want is for your mortal coil to come to an end. You’re jealous of the leader of the free world’s pubic hair, which presumably still serves a purpose – protecting the most powerful penis in the world from the salacious lies of adult movie stars. So, at every available opportunity, you make a desperate bid for freedom, hoping against hope that the day will finally come when you’re no longer attached to the end of the world’s most infuriating Cheeto.
The president’s comb-over’s most recent bid for freedom happened while he was boarding Air Force One on Thursday. His ginger barnet was unceremoniously whipped into the air by strong winds as he boarded Marine One at Joint Air Base in Maryland.
Watch its close encounter with the wind for yourself below:
The suicide attempt happened while the president was climbing the red-carpeted stairs to his Boeing 747, and, as the video above demonstrates, the president’s comb-over took the opportunity to be whipped back and forth in the hope that it might result in freedom.
Aware that his comb-over had taken on a life of its own in the strong winds, President Trump briefly attempted to control it with a single pat of his hand, but it was to no avail – nothing could silence his comb-over which desperately tried to commit suicide and, might I add, quite successfully stole the show.
The comb-over’s most glorious moment came when the president turned to wave at the top of the stairs, and it almost completely broke free of the president’s head. However, it failed to end its life, and the tormented barnet remains attached to President Trump.