1.  Dear Abby – Odd Couple Are Wrecking Our Property Values

Dear Abby:

About four months ago, the house across the street was sold to a “father and son” — or so we thought. We later learned it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24. This was a respectable neighborhood before this “odd couple” moved in. They have all sorts of strange-looking company. Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians. Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there!… Abby, these weirdos are wrecking our property values! How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood?
—Up In Arms
Dear UP:  You could move.

 

2.  Dear Abby – Lost Lust Love

Dear Abby:

You are my last hope. I am still looking for a man I met in La Crosse, Wis., during the second World War. We only spent one evening together, but it was the most wonderful evening of my life. All I know is that he had “HERB” tattooed on him and he’s from Sioux Falls, SD. I thank you.
—Can’t Forget Him

 

Dear Can’t: He went that-a-way

 

3. Dear Abby – Virgins Walk That Way

Dear Abby:

We are two girls who are having a big argument. She’s 17 and I’m 18. She’s a virgin and I’m not, and she says a guy can tell whether a girl is a virgin or not by the way she walks. I say a girl doesn’t walk any differently after she’s gone all the way with a guy than she did before. We’ll be looking for your answer.
—Waiting in Colorado

 

Dear Waiting: You can’t tell if a girl is a virgin by the way she walks. But you can sometimes tell by the way she talks.

 

4.  Dear Abby – Something Nice for His Birthday

Dear Abby:

My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like?
—Carol

 

Dear Carol: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.

 

5.  Dear Abby – A Guy With Looks and A Marvelous Personality

Dear Abby: I don’t want to appear conceited but I’m forced to admit that I am one guy who has everything. Women are always flocking around me and telling me how good-looking I am and what a marvelous personality I have. I’m beginning to find this pretty annoying and extremely tiring. I just want to live a normal quiet life. How can I dissuade these hopeful females?

—C.W.
Dear C.W.: Keep talking.

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